Cultivating Your Support System
Having relationships and making connections are part of life. Most of us are connected to others and have become natural at it. Having said that, for some of us it may take a little bit of work and more time to associate and build a bridge between ourselves and others.
If you’ve found yourself having a hard time creating supportive relationships, it’s time to take a deep look into yourself and figure out why.
After all, the most significant part of our lives is spent with our family, colleagues, and friends; these relationships make up most of our support system. We’re not saying you need a large group to build support but having a few people you can trust in your circle can be helpful.
Be a Friend to Have a Friend
Building supportive relationships takes a lot of time and effort. If you expect people to support you when you need it, then you need to do the same for them. Reciprocity is the key here.
This Golden Rule is a very important one to follow when it comes to friendships and supportive relationships. It’s also highly effective when building a professional network.
A few tips…
Be Who You Are from Day One
Differences are the spice of life, so never try to be someone you’re not just to have certain friends or to attract a particular circle into your life. The fact is, your authenticity is your superpower. It’s how you were uniquely created. Being yourself and being comfortable in your skin invites this same energy from those around you; this makes a safe space just to be. Being confident about showcasing YOUR uniqueness can often empower others to do the same, thereby creating a tribe around you. You find your vibe, you find your tribe.
Respect Others for Who They Are
By contrast, accepting other people’s differences, perspectives, and opinions is imperative. It doesn’t mean you have to accept illegal or toxic behavior, but you should be willing to take some minor moral differences or superficial things. Keeping your circle diverse creates a healthy, enriching environment.
Avoid Taking Responsibility for Others
There is a fine line between support and enabling behavior. When a friend has to suffer the consequences of their erroneous actions, you do not have to take any type of responsibility for your actions to be supportive. You can be supportive by simply listening and sharing an encouraging word and the whole truth with them.
* Believe in Your Friends to Be Better
Sometimes, part of being a supportive person and a good friend is to want more for them than they do. If, for example, one of your friends is in an abusive relationship, don’t stand by and support that idea. Do demand that they get help and get out of that situation. There’s nothing wrong with speaking up for those you care for. This also cultivates deeper connections within your support system.
* Learn How to Listen Effectively
We were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should all seek to listen twice as much as we talk. But, there is a difference between just sitting there silently waiting for your turn to speak instead of truly listening. Try repeating to people what you think they said in your own words until you get it right. Also, ask more questions than you make statements. This shows you’re interested in them.
* True Connections are 100/100
No one is keeping score in a genuine friendship that offers support, so that is why they are 100/100 instead of 50/50. If you’re focused on providing 100 percent of yourself, you will not be focused on resentments and misunderstandings. I am not saying empty yourself into connections that do not reciprocate. But be willing to give unconditionally.
* Spend Real Time with Your Support System & Network
When you foster a connection and a real relationship with someone, spend real time with them that counts. Most people don’t need that much time. Sometimes it’s just ten minutes on the phone, other times it’s a meeting for coffee. Another time it might be bringing the cheesecake and ice cream and binge-watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette, Chick Flicks/Rom-Coms.
* Learn to Accept Constructive Criticism (and Give It)
Authentic, supportive connections within your support system aren’t always wholly positive. Sometimes, friends need someone willing to call them out on their BS. Supportive people can do that for each other and allow it to be done for them. Be ready to hear them out. Also, be more than a “yes man” or woman to them.
* Ask for What You Need
Some relationships can seem one-sided sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they’re always on purpose. This is why learning to draw and respect boundaries and verbally ask for what you need is essential. If you ask people for what you need and they consistently do not, say they cannot or won’t provide it, it might be time to move on.
Developing natural support systems requires much work, intention, and awareness, but it will pay off when you truly need the support. By setting the standard of what you expect in these connections, you’ll be an excellent example to your friends, colleagues, and family of what a healthy, supportive network and support system should look like.
Connect with purpose,
AJD, Alissa Avenue® CEO
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Hey There! I’m Alissa, CEO of this hive. We help busy humans free themselves from being overwhelmed and stuck living and thinking and reignite their passion and ambition. We provide you with the tools to transition and transform confidently.
